Soviet menace rears its caffeinated head

There was no liquor in the house, so I bought a bottle of cheap red Californian wine on the way home. I can now type this mess. Crisis averted.

The move to Tama has seriously curtailed my DVD watching. As some other bastard has the DVDs out for season 6 of Sex and the City, over the last two weeks I’ve only managed to see three movies. I’ve been turning Japanese by watching Azumi, Returner, and Red Shadow. As spoilers follow start scrolling now to End of Spoilers if you don’t want to read them. Better yet, hitting the Backspace key right about now will save you any further pain.




Azumi takes place in a Tokugawa era Japan that exists only in manga. Not surprisingly it is based on one of the same name. Its frenetic editing is what you’d get if the director of U2’s “The Fly” had chronic ADD. Couple this with some ordinary CG and you’ll get the idea. The fight scenes are mayhem.

The plot is pretty loose. Azumi slices and dices her way through a host of sword-wielding crazies. These crazies wander in and out of the story depending on if it is their time to die or not. The ancient master’s plan to assassinate the would-be usurpers makes no sense (why kill half your force before you’ve even started?). Long before the finish you’ll know who’ll walk away.

And true to its manga roots everyone in this world is black or white, or more appropriately “mostly sane” or “completely bonkers”. Azumi has as much depth as a kiddies wading pool, although it tries for some, so it doesn’t tax the brain. Just enjoy it for what it is.

Returner starred Kaneshio Takeshi. He reminds me of an Asian Antonio Banderas - he's walking sex appeal. Returner has all the staples of modern SF movies - time travel, aliens, and Matrix-style fight scenes. The thin story is padded with some passable action. The padding is really noticeable at the climax, which is much longer than need be. It’s another one that is enjoyable if not thought about too much. After all, why can’t the aliens retrieve their missing comrade themselves? Again, rent it and enjoy it for what it is.

Red Shadow is much harder to pin down. I rented it thinking it was martial arts action. The cover, after all, had ninja! After the first fight I was disappointed because I realized that no one could actually fight. I thought, “Oh no, a bad martial arts movie.” But then I realized it was a comedy, and that the bad fighting was part of the joke. For a while it became pretty funny. Check out the 3 ninjas crawling through the ceiling, only to find the ceiling already overcrowded with other ninjas. The ninjas were very reminiscent of the ninjas in “The Tick” comic series. I did laugh. But after the death of the leather-clad totally babelicious female ninja (I was soooo disappointed when she exited the picture) the film leavened the humor with a more serious tone. The comedy was still there, but the freewheeling fun of the first 45 minutes had become a little darker. I liked the first half more than the second.




End of Spoilers

Because I catch the 6:40am train about four times a week, breakfast is often bought at a convenience store. Recently I’ve taken to buying a disposable instant coffee set that comes packaged in its own paper cup. Two paper cups actually, for it is a two cup set. And the coffee is in two sealed plastic packets with two paper spoons sealed in plastic, and the whole lot all wrapped in plastic. As you can see, my concern for the environment is outstanding.

What I’m more concerned about is the coffee’s foam. The cup proclaims that it is a “Rich Froth Caffe Latte”. This is indeed true, because after I’ve added hot water, there is a rich froth-like substance that is shortly after paper-spooned into my mouth. To halt the production of froth when adding the hot water I’ve tried tilting the cup on an angle, like pouring a beer, but it makes no difference. This foam comes from a bunch of brown and white chemicals sitting in the bottom of the cup, and not steamed milk. What is it?

My theory - since the discovery that fluoridation was a Communist plot, I suspect the Reds are now infiltrating us through cup lattes. Every morning when I see that foam, I wonder what it is plotting. It’s spooky the way it just appears from nothing…

nothing…

That’s something to think about.