Soviet menace rears its caffeinated head

There was no liquor in the house, so I bought a bottle of cheap red Californian wine on the way home. I can now type this mess. Crisis averted.

The move to Tama has seriously curtailed my DVD watching. As some other bastard has the DVDs out for season 6 of Sex and the City, over the last two weeks I’ve only managed to see three movies. I’ve been turning Japanese by watching Azumi, Returner, and Red Shadow. As spoilers follow start scrolling now to End of Spoilers if you don’t want to read them. Better yet, hitting the Backspace key right about now will save you any further pain.




Azumi takes place in a Tokugawa era Japan that exists only in manga. Not surprisingly it is based on one of the same name. Its frenetic editing is what you’d get if the director of U2’s “The Fly” had chronic ADD. Couple this with some ordinary CG and you’ll get the idea. The fight scenes are mayhem.

The plot is pretty loose. Azumi slices and dices her way through a host of sword-wielding crazies. These crazies wander in and out of the story depending on if it is their time to die or not. The ancient master’s plan to assassinate the would-be usurpers makes no sense (why kill half your force before you’ve even started?). Long before the finish you’ll know who’ll walk away.

And true to its manga roots everyone in this world is black or white, or more appropriately “mostly sane” or “completely bonkers”. Azumi has as much depth as a kiddies wading pool, although it tries for some, so it doesn’t tax the brain. Just enjoy it for what it is.

Returner starred Kaneshio Takeshi. He reminds me of an Asian Antonio Banderas - he's walking sex appeal. Returner has all the staples of modern SF movies - time travel, aliens, and Matrix-style fight scenes. The thin story is padded with some passable action. The padding is really noticeable at the climax, which is much longer than need be. It’s another one that is enjoyable if not thought about too much. After all, why can’t the aliens retrieve their missing comrade themselves? Again, rent it and enjoy it for what it is.

Red Shadow is much harder to pin down. I rented it thinking it was martial arts action. The cover, after all, had ninja! After the first fight I was disappointed because I realized that no one could actually fight. I thought, “Oh no, a bad martial arts movie.” But then I realized it was a comedy, and that the bad fighting was part of the joke. For a while it became pretty funny. Check out the 3 ninjas crawling through the ceiling, only to find the ceiling already overcrowded with other ninjas. The ninjas were very reminiscent of the ninjas in “The Tick” comic series. I did laugh. But after the death of the leather-clad totally babelicious female ninja (I was soooo disappointed when she exited the picture) the film leavened the humor with a more serious tone. The comedy was still there, but the freewheeling fun of the first 45 minutes had become a little darker. I liked the first half more than the second.




End of Spoilers

Because I catch the 6:40am train about four times a week, breakfast is often bought at a convenience store. Recently I’ve taken to buying a disposable instant coffee set that comes packaged in its own paper cup. Two paper cups actually, for it is a two cup set. And the coffee is in two sealed plastic packets with two paper spoons sealed in plastic, and the whole lot all wrapped in plastic. As you can see, my concern for the environment is outstanding.

What I’m more concerned about is the coffee’s foam. The cup proclaims that it is a “Rich Froth Caffe Latte”. This is indeed true, because after I’ve added hot water, there is a rich froth-like substance that is shortly after paper-spooned into my mouth. To halt the production of froth when adding the hot water I’ve tried tilting the cup on an angle, like pouring a beer, but it makes no difference. This foam comes from a bunch of brown and white chemicals sitting in the bottom of the cup, and not steamed milk. What is it?

My theory - since the discovery that fluoridation was a Communist plot, I suspect the Reds are now infiltrating us through cup lattes. Every morning when I see that foam, I wonder what it is plotting. It’s spooky the way it just appears from nothing…

nothing…

That’s something to think about.

Peace at any price

Incredulous here.

I read with disbelief in a recent Japan Times article that Curious George is asking for an extra $80 billion to secure the peace. Surely this is merely a spelling error - transplant an "m" for a "b" and we'll have the correct figure.

Well, no. This is an additional $80 billion to the already obtained $80 billion to cover the budget blowout for this debacle. If United Artists were bankrolling this Heaven’s Gate, they’d be experiencing déjà vu right about now. $160 billion has got to be the most expensive stake I've every heard of to buy a seat at a card game. I'm glad he's not gambling with my money. From a purely business perspective, wouldn't it have been cheaper to buy the fucking oil with brown bag deliveries to Hussein.

Or wouldn't it have been better to put $160+ billion into non-violent solutions to the "Iraq problem". But silly me, I'm sure he already tried that and it didn't work, right? I'm sure Curious has already asked for, received, and spent $160+ billion of taxpayers money on non-violent solutions that bore no fruit. He was at his wits end what to do next. No sense throwing good money after bad.

And I can understand Curious’ dilemma. Hussein might have escaped, or worse still his whole fucking country could have disappeared and have then been untraceable. After all, we've seen the difficulty there is in keeping track of those WMDs. How could one be expected to keep track of one despot. And Hussein had so many allies to call on, too. Let's see, there was... or at least there was... well, I'm sure he had some pretty big brothers out there somewhere who would have kicked the shit out of a united U.N. (after all, there are only 191 member states in that organization).

And the clock was ticking, too. Time was running out. Hussein's evil plan for world domination was almost complete. For after retrieving The Ark of the Covenant and the Spear of Destiny Hussein’s Army of Darkness would have goose-stepped across the globe. Although why he was fart-arsing around with both the Ark and the Spear when he’d already developed the rocket pack, I've got no fucking idea. I guess he just wanted to ensure that the prophecy predicting his downfall didn't trip him up at the finish line. Pity he didn't read the part about an "ape not born of woman."

Really, when I think about it like this, it all makes so much more sense.

Peace at any price. Going once. Going twice. Going three times for at least $160+ billion dollars to the man in the ape suit. Faaarrrrk.

Incredulous Out.

Cuisine of the Surrender Monkeys

As predicted the weekend was spent taking some things out of boxes, trying to find a place for them, putting them in a place, and then finding something else that needs to be put there. The number of coat hangers two people can accumulate is astounding.

Saturday night we went out to a French restaurant in Tama. It is across the road from a great bakery we sometimes frequent on the weekend for the excellent pastries and coffee. Neither of us had been to this restaurant, and we’d so often talked about what the food might be like that it was decided to finally try it. I was really looking forward to it.

The chef was Japanese, but after an apprenticeship in Japan he’d studied in France for 5 years. We learnt this from his wife who was quite the little talker, along with being the waitress for our evening of dining. With their daughter as another waitress, and son who was out the back in the kitchen, it was a real family restaurant.

It was also the greatest meal I’ve had in a long time. It was on a different plane from other meals that I would have talked about as good. This was not like the, “Tony Romas do great pork ribs”, kind of experience. This was the kind of meal where the waitress explains the ingredients of the sauce, and the chef comes out after the meal for a chinwag.

For you mouth-watering pleasure it was:

Salmon Carpaccio.
Foie Gras with Pureed Apple Sauce.
Snapper and Scallops in Butter Sauce.
Beef with Cognac Sauce and Broccoli and Mashed Potato.
Dessert & Coffee

I weep for the peasants.

And now for something completely different... co-habitation

Well my 2-year lease was up on Nakano and so Mari and I talked about what we were going to do. While her cubbyhole at Tama Plaza has been my de facto abode for the past year, my stuff had remained at Nakano. After many calm and considered debates we decided that two could live as cramped as one.

Mari looked into a moving company, but after selling my fridge, microwave and other assorted biggish things, it wasn’t worth the cost. I now no longer possess anything bigger than a backpack. This is kind of exaggerating as I’ve got a bookcase of books, but I prefer to think of them as individual units rather than as a whole. Semantics, however, won’t get the boxes of books down two flights of stairs.

And so this is when it was confirmed that I’m suffering from Chronic Pissweak Syndrome. For more than a year I ain’t done nothing more strenuous than reach for the remote. Doesn’t say much for my sex life. Anyway, I knew that the middle was getting a little soft around the edges (phnarh), and the second chin seemed to be taking out a mortgage on a third, but I still kidded myself that should the moment arise the body would be willing (phnarh, phnarh). Carrying on Up the TV down the stairs put paid to that fantasy.

Thus last weekend my bongos made their way to Tama. A little dinky toy minivan was hired, and Mari drove it. Its feature was that it had a car navigation system. The car navigation’s feature was that should the sky be slightly cloudy, it stopped working (car navigation, not sky). Luckily on Sunday the sky wasn’t cloudy.

Unluckily it was pissing down. Did I mention it was also freezing? Yes, freezing but not frozen, for the predicted snow never turned up. And most of the way we were driving under a freeway, so the car navigation never stood a chance. The navigation system’s brand was “Gorilla” and so it did have a rather cool King Kong inspired character that strode across the digital cityscape. However 'twas inclement weather that killed the savage beast, and Kong went down like the proverbial two dollar hooker to the inclement weather. It was up to me to navigate using the paper database. The machines have made me soft, for apparently I can’t read maps or find things in the refrigerator. It’s quiche for lunch for me from now on. We eventually made it close to my place, close enough that I could recognize streets.

Shortly after this the attack of CPS occurred. It was after carrying the stuff down to the van. By the end of 15 minutes of what most would consider only slightly strenuous exercise, my limbs were shaking and I knew that on the morrow I’d be feeling cramps, and not the good kind, neither. I was really looking forward to the second stage - humping the whole lot out of the van into the new place. But let’s always look on the bright side of life – the destination was on the first floor.

Well it must have turned out all right, or I wouldn’t be here typing this now, would I? But a new resolution may need to be added to the New Year’s list.

I will do some exercise.

How mid-life crisis is that? Maybe I should buy a mountain bike?

This weekend will be spent finding homes that don’t exist for a second set of everything that Mari already owns, plus some things she doesn’t. At least there’s a space on the floor for the futon.

And for dinner tonite…

I love lamb. It tastes great and the original wrapper is cute to boot. BAA!!

You can eat it with utensils but it tastes better by hand. And this is the must-do method of consuming the little lambkins. One should begin with knife and fork then progress to a closed mitt with lamb’s grease oozing between the fingers for the finale of gnawing the meat from the bone. Did I mention I love lamb?

I enjoy drinking while I’m cooking. Beer will suffice; wine is better, and red wine best of all. However drinking while cooking presents some difficulties:

Difficulty the first – food is easily burnt.

Difficulty the second – one tends to either pick at it while performing said cooking, or afterwards wolf down the resulting meal. Thus the enjoyment of tasting one’s own cooking as a proper sit down meal is circumvented. However due to Difficulty the First this sometimes is not such a bad thing all together.

Difficulty the Third – one can’t remember which bastard made a great fucking mess in the kitchen.

Yes, Virginia, there is a 2nd posting

I’ve received thousand of emails since my first posting, mainly from the kiddies, asking me when I would post again. They said that they were becoming “disillusioned” with clicking their carefree little way to Winston’s World, only to find there was no second posting. They said they felt “sad” because an adult had lied to them. So to put their troubled little heads to rest I’ve decided that posting once a week is not a bad target to aim for. To tell the truth, Mr. Thomas has the best idea with See You Next Wednesday. You know there is no point checking it out again until a new Wednesday rolls around. Sorry, but I don't have the dedication to post on a particular day. But from now the kiddies (and you) can sleep soundly knowing that you'll be able to read the next exciting installment that is my life if you come back here in around seven days.

The week in a rather big nutshell

Friday I took as a holiday, but ended up working that night. Although I put in for the holiday about a month ago, the office hadn’t organized a replacement for my regular Friday 7pm – 9pm class. When I put in for the holiday I thought that this class would still be on winter vacation. Thus I was surprised when I got a phone call from the office Friday morning asking me if I wouldn’t mind doing it. Mari already had other plans, and I figured it wouldn’t shake up my universe too much if I watched Mystic River during the day rather than that night as I had planned, so I did it.

I was glad I went because this was the first class for the semester and some of the students had changed. It was a good opportunity to meet these new ones and get the semester going, rather than someone else taking them for one night, and then meeting me the next week. It would have been 3 weeks into the semester before the class had settled down. I use the word “class” loosely. I don’t actually teach them (I’m not trained in teaching, and my understanding of English grammar is tenuous at best), but rather provide activities to stimulate conversation, with some listen/repeat for glaring errors. We played some icebreaker games using English, and all in all it was quite fun. I’ve been doing this Friday night class for almost 2 years and enjoy the people. It is at a community center, and most of the participants are 40 or above. About half have remained with me for that time.

Spoilers follow about the movies Mystic River, The Bourne Supremacy and The Manchurian Candidate. Scroll down to End of Spoilers if you don’t want to read them.





With Mystic River I finished my quest to watch all of last year’s Academy Award Nominees for Best Picture. Having seen only The Return of the King at the cinema I’ve watched the other four on DVD. While Mystic River could justify acting nominations for Sean Penn, Tim Robbins and Marcia Gay Harden, Penn’s and Robbins’ performances, while compelling and powerful, were one note. Mystic River certainly didn’t deserve its nomination for Best Picture, mostly due to predictability and a script that has some dips. The killers were easily identifiable, and so it was a mystery with no mystery. The bloody resolution between Markum and Boyle is as agonizingly predictable, leaving it a drama with no drama. At the end Laura Linney has a fine Lady Macbeth speech that comes right out of left field. Pity her character hadn’t been built up to this great moment.

I spent Saturday night at Allan’s place. Allan and I used to work together and we both have a mutual interest in movies. He’d just returned to Japan from his winter vacation back home in Canada. But since Allan has lived here for quite a few years now maybe that last sentence should be, “He’s just returned home to Japan from his winter vacation in Canada”. Anyway, he’d brought with him two movies that are yet to be released in Japan (The Bourne Supremacy and The Manchurian Candidate) and the boxed set of Star Wars episodes IV, V and VI. While we didn’t watch the Star Wars movies, we did watch the 2 and ½ hour documentary that accompanied them on a 4th DVD. This contains enough to keep a fan (or a nostalgic 30-something at least) watching until the wee hours of the morning.

I really liked The Bourne Supremacy. Admittedly the death of Marie at the start was a huge disappointment, some of the editing was seizure inducing, and as Andrew points out the villains’ plot doesn’t add up, but on the plus it was a thriller that never slowed down and had some great action to boot. Bourne’s skillfulness in a tight spot is great to watch. There are solid performances by Matt Damon and Joan Allen, plus Karl Urban looks really sexy in a dangerous kind of way. Even on DVD the car chase at the end was bone jarring. I’m actually thinking of seeing it again on the big screen when it comes.

I disliked The Manchurian Candidate as much as I liked The Bourne Supremacy. It was a dog’s breakfast of a film, with great performances (Washington and Streep) that can’t overcome its stillborn execution and gaping plot holes. This was extremely disappointing as the director is Jonathon Demme, who helmed the superb thriller The Silence of the Lambs. The Manchurian Candidate has a great premise for a thriller, but assumes its audience to be about the age of 6, and so explains almost everything in the first 1/3 of the film, leaving just one surprise that fails to for anyone still there to watch the climax. If the audience had been kept in the dark about the conspiracy then we could have participated in Ben Marco’s search to unravel his memories of the Gulf War. Instead we watch him walk his delusions (which we never call into doubt) all over town as he tries to understand what we already knew an hour ago. The final third is an improvement, but not enough to make up for the previous ineptitudes.





End of Spoilers

Monday was a public holiday in Japan. The holiday is called “Coming of Age Day”, and is (as I understand it) a public celebration for those who have turned or will turn 20 by April 1st. Twenty is the age that Japanese are considered to be adults. The local governments put on a ceremony to welcome the new adults. The young women dress in a kimono, and the young men sometimes do so too, but more often they will wear a western style suit. Recently these events have been troubled by the invitees publicly exercising their new right to consume alcohol, and thus getting well pissed and causing a public nuisance. This has provided good footage for the media (think of the news coverage of “Schoolies Week” in Australia), and Tuesday morning’s TV news didn’t disappoint. How can the modern world survive with decadence and a lack of responsibility rampant in the youth of today? My Lordy, those bad young people make me nervous to step out my front door.

On the same day some not-so-young-adults were also undergoing a similar decline. It was Ted’s birthday, and Sumie had kindly organized a surprise party for him. There were six in attendance, Ted, Sumie, Naoko, Junko, the aforementioned Allan and myself. Although not quite an according-to-Hoyle’s-quorum, it was very nice company indeed. Many drinks were drunk and many problems of this plane of existence were solved. Ted is now the proud owner of the most excellent book Sophie’s World, which I cannot recommend highly enough, The Namesake, which as I’d never read was chosen on it having won the Pulitzer Prize, and the pièce de résistance (that which should be resisted? resistance is futile?), a build-it-yourself cardboard dinosaur. My memory of the actual species of dinosaur is a little sketchy, but I think it was something like Predatorsaurus. It was so dodgy that it is sure to make an appearance in Jurassic Park 4. Grwarrrr! God damn I love 100 yen stores.

Which leaves just the end of winter vacation and my return to work (apart from Friday’s blip) the following day. The less said about having to wake up at 6am on a dark, cold morning, the better.

Here endeth the nutshell

Welcome

Six days into 2005 & this is what I've been up to...

I was in Mari’s hometown – Shuzenji - for the New Year visiting her parents. I love Shuzenji. It is a small town, so there’s not much to do. No movie theatre, but there is a famous hot spring just up the road. The lack of things to do is the reason to go there. I can just eat, relax, read and watch TV. It’s a tough stay, especially with Mari’s mum forcing loads of scrumptious food and fine liquor on me. Discovered that sherry is a mighty fine drink. It was pretty cold, snow having fallen just recently.

At midnight on New Year’s Eve Mari & I walked up the road to do the temple-visiting thing. After five yen and a few handclaps we scampered back home because of the freezing cold.

The next few days continued along the lines of waking at around 11 in the morning, eating lunch, reading and drinking coffee until dinner, eating said dinner, watching TV (or reading some more) until about 1am. As I said, it was a very tough stay. I managed to finish reading The Rise of Endymion and thus complete the Hyperion series by Dan Simmons. Jimbo, you were right, it is excellent. I broke this grueling pattern to go to the nearby town of Mishima and watch The Terminal. This was a pretty ordinary affair, with Mr. Hanks giving his usual trustworthy performance and Mr. Spielberg sleepwalking through it. While there’s nothing to complain about, there’s also nothing to rave about. DVD it unless you’ve got time and/or money to spare.

Late at night on the 4th Mari & I returned to Tama Plaza. We immediately got back into watching Sex and the City. We’re well into the 4th season now and are greatly enjoying it. Unfortunately Mari has had to return to the reality of work for the rest of this week. Fortunately I have until next Tuesday to continue lazing about. I’ve started reading the manga Detective Conan. It’s fun, and I can convince myself that it’s good for my Japanese. I’ve also watched Paycheck, staring Ben Affleck. This flick would be a gem for Film Forensic, but I’m already busy with other films to fillet.